30th Jan 2015
The time passed.
I've slept a week and maybe also one else.
Yesterday I read a fiction about Ye Xiu and Zhang Xinjie, it's under the background of army and Shaoxiang.
Cried for a day. Maybe I just can feel the sadness and hesitation of him, the sorrow he feels every time the guy he loves do or say something that hurts.
He never speak and never express, just make all the decisions secretly and finally farewell to the guy he loved for years.
He was wrong, he still loves him.
And I cried out.
Finding the people you love is really something fortunate enough. Though you feel pain, you struggle and you can't resist the desire of getting close to him, you love somebody.
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I still don't know what to do in future, critically the matter about love and marriage.
I wonder if the persistence of my homosexuality is just because of the in-mind recognition of my past lovers.
Now my only belief in loving affair is that nothing is perfect, no body need to change and people should just open the hearts and comprehend his or her lover, and live the lives then in comprehensiveness.
I like spending time with those who have total understanding of me, trust me and treat me good. I will also treat them quite good, then the period will be pleasant enough.
But my love experience tells me that I just want the total connection between me and the other. I desire the perfect love and I'm quite easy to give all my life promise out.
Now I don't want love anyone, I just can't keep my own life worthwhile and I don't want to make it more complex with another one in my life needing my attention.
But how is my own life?
Liu just do lots of things. I can see her progress every time I met her after a long time, but I myself isn't so good.
I can't make my time count, this recognition makes me worried.
But I can't make it count without a good desire to make it good.
Yes I found that I don't have the impulse to change it.
The right way to strive is make the straight way to your final goal. Yet the goal itself is faraway from me.
Oh I got one, the accumulation of my own ability of accurate work and the better sense of management, as well as the creativity and the communication.
Then I have to make efforts on ways of:
1. Read managing books
2. Attend some program competitions and make a great acquaintance of many people approving my ability and character.
3. Make myself better and my life better, making me always knowing more about the world and the society, reading books and doing my hobbies making me acquainted lots of people with my good ability. And make lots of efforts making myself the one I appreciate.
And the short-term goals are:
1. Read books and learn the course attentively.
2. Do my hobbies better. Two teams and two skills.
3. Make a team and attend a competition.
4. Better my life and myself, make some works.
5. Be slim and good-looking. Clean and keep all in perfect order.
6. Better my own character and make every one around me feel comfortable.
7. ...what else? Make my life in order and doing all the things I prefer.
Go ahead and make every second count.